


McDonalds

by Dimik_Gimik



Category: Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Genre: Eddie and Freddy become BFFs, Here u go, I was gonna do a mr.orange/eddie type thing but decided against it, Lots of drinking, M/M, lots of feelings, mr. brown/mr.pink is suggested, some crime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:01:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24064741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dimik_Gimik/pseuds/Dimik_Gimik
Summary: “I’m going to McDonalds even if it’s the last thing I do!” Freddy declares.
Relationships: Mr. Blonde/"Nice Guy" Eddie Cabot, Mr. Brown/Mr. Pink (Reservoir Dogs), Mr. Orange/Mr. White (Reservoir Dogs)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 58





	McDonalds

“He thinks he’s done with me! Well I’ll show him. Mr. I’m Done With Your Shit. Bullshit! No one’s done with me until I’m done with them! What a selfish prick, won’t take me to fucking McDonalds cus I looked at that guy the other day. It was just a look! Everybody fucking looks but nobody actually does anything! Goddamnit!” Freddy paced around his messy apartment and kicked around the dirty clothes and action figures that he left out. “I’m going to McDonalds even if it’s the last thing I do!” He declares and grabs a beer and his telephone and sits on his couch. He opens the beer and takes a long sip and burps. “Okay, who can I call that has a car. Let’s see...” He punched in some numbers.

Ring ring.  _ “Hello?” _ The voice on the other end answers.

“Hey Mr. Pink! What are you doing?” 

_ “I’m kinda busy right now.”  _

“Oh... Well what are you doing later?” He asks.

_ “Is this like? Are you calling me to get back at Mr. White or something?” _

“Well— No, but that’s not a bad idea actually.”

_ “Yeah, well keep me out of the plan. Bye.” *click* _

“Damnit! ...Well at least now I have a new and improved plan, hmmm, okay.” Freddy takes a sip of the beer. He types in another number into the number pad. 

Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring Ring.  _ “Yo this is Mista Brown I’m not in right now. Leave your message on at the beep, yo.” _

“Damn, he’s not home. Urghh.” Freddy set the beer down and laid on his couch. “I could call Mr. Blue but... “ He made a face. “Nah. I’m not that desperate. Who the fuck else can I call?” 

Then his own phone rang. Ring—

“What’s up?” He answered.

_ “Aye. It’s Eddie, I’m fucking pissed let’s go get drinks.” _

Freddy sat up. “Fuck yeah man! I’m pissed too! Can we go to McDonalds?” 

_ “Hell yeah we can go to McDonalds. I’ll pick you up.” *click* _

Freddy hung up the phone and finished his beer. In half an hour Eddie honked his car horn outside wildly, Freddy flew out the door and met him downstairs. He got in the car. Eddie was already drinking out of a flask and blasting rock n roll from the radio. “Yo.” Freddy greeted him.

“Man, I’m in a fucking bad mood today.” Eddie complained. 

“What happened?” Freddy asked, he moved his feet and kicked a half empty bottle of vodka.

“Mr. Blonde pisses me the fuck off. He thinks he can just do whatever the fuck he wants and it really bugs me, man.” Eddie complains. Freddy picks up the bottle of vodka.

“Do you mind?” Freddy holds it out.

“Nah. Actually can you refill this for me?” Eddie hands Freddy his flask. “So anyways— What happened was that we were hanging out, getting some dinner at that nice diner Daddy took us to a while ago. I mean it’s really nice, it’s like all decked out in 50s get up and there’s a Marilyn Monroe waitress with the best set of tits you’ve ever seen but anyways. So Mr. Blonde took me there for a date—”

“Wait a minute. So you’re out on a date with Mr. Blonde but you still think the waitress is hot?” Freddy asks and hands the flask back to Eddie.

“Sexuality is a complicated thing sometimes! Anyways so Mr. Blonde took me there for a date but every time we go out we always fucking argue over stupid shit but it seemed like tonight was gonna be different y’know? We ordered some really nice food, got a couple drinks, and he was sweet talkin me real nice. You ever have a man like mine sweet talk you, Freddy?”

Freddy lowered the bottle of vodka and swallowed the drink. “C’mon, Eddie. You know Mr. White is my man and he’s a way better catch than yours.”

“I resent that but whatever.” Eddie takes a drink then steers with his knees while he screws the cap back on the flask and gets out a pack of cigarettes while he talks. “So, obviously the date was going nice. But then our food comes out and Marilyn Monroe brings the food out and I’m fucking starving, I am so ready to chow down man but then when the waitress leaves Mr. Blonde fucking pinches her ass!”

“What the fuck?”

“I know! Like I thought she was hot too but I don’t mix my meats man, when I’m out with Mr. Blonde I don’t fucking hit on women and when I’m with a woman I don’t fucking hit on a man! I mean it’s so rude and so gross, y’know? So I just cursed him out and got up and left.” He lit a cigarette.

Freddy screwed the cap back onto the vodka and fished out his own pack of cigarettes.”Man, I was out with Mr. White the other day and something like that kinda happened. So we were just out taking a walk and I saw this attractive guy and all I did was just look at him and Mr. White got into a tizzy and drove me home and now he won’t talk to me!” He lit a cigarette.

“A look is totally different than a touch, man. Mr. White should know the game by now, there’s nothing wrong with a look… How long did you look?” 

“I mean. I got a good look but we were just sitting on a bench and not talking, I mean it wasn’t boring but when you’re people watching how long am I not supposed to look? Am I supposed to just whip my head to look at every person for only a second? No! You look at them for a while!” Freddy defends himself. 

Eddie shook his head. “I dunno, that’s a tricky situation to be in. I mean, how exactly did it go down?”

Freddy took a drag of his smoke. “Well— We were sitting on a bench, right? And this guy comes around the bend and I noticed him so I looked and then he walked in front of us and away and I guess I watched him the whole time, I dunno.” 

“Oooo, that’s bad, Freddy. You can’t be staring at other men like that when you’re around your man. I think you fucked up.” 

“Whatever man! I don’t think I fucked up, I mean even if I was staring at him for hours that’s totally different than talking to him or trying to hit on him— There’s the McDonalds!” Freddy calls suddenly.

Eddie pulls over suddenly and drives to the drive-through window. They order their food and sit on the trunk of the car in the parking lot and eat their food, which there is a lot of. “I dunno man. I mean I hear what you’re saying but you did kinda look at him for a long time.” 

“Well how bout this.” Freddy wiped his mouth. “How long were you staring at Marilyn tonight?”

Eddie eats and thinks. “I dunno, maybe,” He talks with his mouthful. “I mean I wasn’t staring at her all night but I took a couple of good looks.” He took a sip of his soda.

“But see, Mr. Blonde wasn’t mad at you. He probably just thought you wanted a three way with that fine piece of ass. I mean I see why you got mad, but,” He took a big bite of his BigMac, “I dunno.” 

“That bastards always touchin and flirtin with broads. I’m just sick of it. Besides—” He shovels some fries into his mouth. “It’s a lot more fun to be mad at him.”

Freddy eats some fries as well, just as dignified. “We should, like. I dunno, egg their houses or something. Get em back for being bastards.” 

Eddie laughed. “That’s a fucking great idea! C’mon we’ll eat on the way to the corner store.” He hopped off the trunk and grabbed his brown bag of burgers and fries, he left the wrappers on the trunk. Freddy grabbed his bag and their two soda cups and got in the car. Eddie drove the car out of the parking lot, the wrappers and empty fry cups flying off the car and onto the parking lot ground.

Cut to Eddie and Freddy in the corner store, picking out a lot of cartons of eggs and two bottles of vodka. “Dude, look at these chips.” Freddy says, balancing some eggs and a bottle in his hand, he points to the chips. “They’re like, super spicy.” 

“So get em. Bro, y’know what we should do?” 

“What?” Freddy picks up the chips. 

“Get a gallon of milk and dump it on their cars.” Eddie grabs the bag of chips from Freddy. 

“Eddie, I’ve never told you this before but you’re fucking brilliant. Let’s do it.” Freddy picks up another bag of chips. They buy all of their things with a very concerned look from the clerk but whatever, it’s none of their business. “Wait, wait, we need another gallon of milk.” Freddy rushes to go get it and brings it back and then they’re done and they left the store. When they get in the car Freddy pours some vodka into their soda cups and Eddie opens up the bag of chips and puts it in the middle so they can share.

“Why’d we pick up two milks?” Eddie asks.

“Because we’re egging two houses and milking two cars! We don’t want to consolidate the milk, that’s too nasty.” Freddy explains, he lights another cigarette. 

“Word, that’s smart.”

Cut to Eddie and Freddy egging Mr. Blonde’s home and his car and dumping milk on his car and on his front porch. The lights don’t go on so nobody’s home, this pisses Eddie off so he wrecks some things on the front lawn and breaks a window. They rush back into Eddie’s car and speed away! 

“That bastard is probably fucking Marilyn man!” Eddie says, crying.

“Don’t worry about it, Eddie.” Freddy takes the wheel so Eddie can wipe his face. “You don’t know that. Maybe he’s just getting drunk somewhere all depressed cus you stormed off!” 

“You think so?” Eddie sniffled.

“Yeah, man! You’re like Marilyn Monroe, you got all the blonde curly hair and a nice ass.” Freddy compliments him. 

“Thanks, man. You’re so cool.” Eddie says and sips his soda then takes the wheel again.

Cut to Eddie and Freddy egging Mr. White’s house, egging all of it and dumping the milk on his car and on his lawn and front step. “Egg delivery, asshole!” Freddy shouts at the house. “Here’s your fucking eggs you won’t cook for me anymore! Over a silly look!” He whips the eggs at the house and throws it at Larry’s bedroom window. Eddie is throwing the milk everywhere. Then the bedroom light turns on. “Oh my God! Go, go, go!” Freddy tosses and egg and runs away, Eddie leaves the gallon on the lawn and flees with Eddie. 

The bedroom window opens and Mr. White sticks his head out. “You’re in deep shit, Freddy!” 

“Ahhh!!!!” Freddy yells and hops in the car, Eddie is lagging behind. “Let’s go! Let’s go! He’s getting out of the house, c’moooonnn!!!” Freddy turns on Eddie’s car for him and opens the door, Eddie gets in and he steps on the gas pedal. “It’s in park!”

“Ahhhh!!!!!” Eddie yells and puts the car in drive, they speed away, when they’re passing the house, Larry picks up the gallon of milk and whips it at the car, the windows are open so the milk gets into the car. “My fucking car, man!” 

“Ew!!” Freddy tosses the bottle out of the car as it’s moving. 

Cut to Freddy balling and talking incoherently. “He’s never gonna talk to me agaaaaiiinnn!! Bawww!!” 

Eddie rubs Freddy’s back. “That’s not true!” 

“It is true! He hates me! Booohooo!!!” Freddy sobs and kicks the car. 

“Hey man! Don’t kick my car! She didn’t do nothin’ to you.” Eddie says but he’s still rubbing Freddy’s back. 

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I’m just sad and angry! I hate him! He’s so green! I can’t do anything!” Freddy expresses.

“Well.” Eddie thinks. “I’m not good at this kinda thing. Maybe we can just go rob a liquor store, we should put all this anger to good use!”

Freddy wipes his face. “Let’s go fucking rob a liquor store!” He cheers.

“Fuck yeah! That’s the spirit!” Eddie cheers. He pulls over suddenly on a busy street and gets out of the car and Freddy follows him. He opens his trunk and he pulls out masks and two pistols, they’re swaying. 

“Hey, Eddie. We’re not gonna, like, shoot anyone, right?” Freddy asks.

“Don’t be a baby, Mr. Orange. As long as you act like you’re gonna shoot ‘em we don’t gotta kill anybody.” Eddie says and shuts the trunk. 

“Word, that makes sense.” They get back in the car and put on the masks, they drive to the liquor store and cock their guns before going inside. They rob the place point blank and run out with tons of bottles of liquor, a box of cigars, a roll of lottery tickets and no cash because they honestly didn’t need it. They cheered and drank in the car and the rest of the night was a blur. 

Cut to Eddie and Freddy laying on Joe Cabot’s front lawn, they’re snoring, bottles of liquor around them and fast food wrappers, a gardener is minding their own business and tending to the flowers in the yard but they’re probably thinking about how crazy these white boys are and are glad that they have control over their own children. Joe Cabot is on a mobile phone, nudging them with his feet.

“Yeah, he’s here. Just come pick him up, I want him offa my property.” He says and then hangs up the phone. He nudges Eddie some more. “Eddie… Eddie!” Eddie groans and turns over. Joe nudges him again, harder. “Eddie!” Eddie wakes up violently and throws up. “Awe, shit. C’mon Eddie, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Eddie rolls away from the mess he made and groans in pain.

“‘M sorry, Daddy. Aghhhh, my head.” Eddie holds his head and rolls away from his mess again. “Aaaghhhh.” He groans. “I’m dying.”

“You’re not dying, son. Get up.” Joe Cabot helps Eddie up and drags him into the house. Before Joe gets Eddie in the house a car screeches as it pulls up to the front of Joe Cabot’s mansion. Larry comes over and shakes Freddy who is snoring peacefully. He walks away and goes into Joe’s house. He comes out sometime later with a bucket of water and dumps it on Freddy. 

“The pizza was the burglar, lieutenant!” Freddy shouts as he wakes up then holds his head. “Aaghh—” Larry pulls Freddy up by his elbow.

“You’re in deep shit, buddy boy. C’mon get up!” Larry pulls him up and Freddy breaks away. 

“Get offa me! You’re a bastard, Larry!” Freddy presses his palm to one side of his head to quell the pain in his head. 

“Let’s go!” Larry grabs him again. 

Freddy breaks away again but falls on the lawn. “I’m not going with you!” 

Larry heaves him up, “Yes you are! Look— I’m not gonna fucking beat you so stop struggling and get in the fucking car.” Larry says and shoves Freddy towards the car but he’s still drunk so he falls back onto the lawn. Larry groans and picks Freddy up and carries him to his car. That day Eddie finds out Vic did sleep with Marilyn Monroe but it’s all good and they plan a three way with her for the weekend. Larry makes Freddy breakfast, let’s him take a nap, and when Freddy wakes up Larry makes him clean the outside of his house and his front lawn and then everything is right in the world.

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> https://dimik-gimik.tumblr.com/post/617495047688110080/im-gonna-write-a-fic-for-this-rn-inspod-by-an   
> I made this to go with the story!


End file.
